Failure!

 I often wondered how a failure felt on the day of PTM. Well I never knew but today tried to pen it down.

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She didn't want to show her face to anybody.

Hidden from people, 

even those who didn't know her.

She broke all the mirrors in her room,

to avoid the reflection of her failed self.

Shut herself in her room,

With bolted doors and windows;

Let the sunshine not enter her room...

Lest it would blind her.

Her ears could listen her "praise" from relatives, 

And the stress in the relatives' voice saying ,   'its her perfect age to get "settled"'! 

Her body shivered, tears poured over her charred rosy cheeks, 

She wept over her shattered life, 

For she failed to collect and complete her jigsaw puzzle; 

Comparison was her everyday phenomena,

Routine was to sit and gaze books, 

In which she couldn't trust now.

But still as she was habituated, 

Turned the pages. 

The weight of the book felt heavy 

But not more than her miseries and,

gallons of tears.

She picked up the pen

To "re-write" ,

To "re-build" ,

To "re-new" .

Her life,

Which she couldn't recognise hers.

She was in despair

A state where faith was lost,

Belief slumped,

Confidence shrank,

Heart didn't beat,

Palpitated more often.

With each heavy breath she took

She felt more exhausted.

Her worth was judged now, 

By her constant fall

She was compared, And "measured".

Everytime she stood 

She fell.

Once she managed to get on the stairs, 

Again slipped.

She laid on the bed whole day, 

Looking at the ceiling 

"Blank".

With questions to ask,

And answers to get, 

Yet lips couldn't speak. 

Night was far longer now...

And mornings were meaningless to her.

She picked the phone 

To phone a friend 

But couldn't.

She took the legs to step out of her room, 

Went outside once,

However, her thoughts kept her aloof.

Her mind was out of her control,

But her physician directed  her to  "keep calm!".

She stopped expressing now. 

Went to her room again; 

Tried to open the book 

With cloudy mind, 

And shaking hand, 

And went to glance the book again. 

Her parent now tutored by her relatives, proclaimed

"Its perfect match"; 

Her heart sank 

Palpitations began. 

She sighed again. 

And went on to glance the book. 

"Will I always be a zero scorer?"

She asked.